Introducing, Noah Nathaniel–our newest little blessing.
(ALL PICTURES IN THIS POST ARE OF NOAH, Born October 23 at 7lbs 9oz)
There is nothing like the birth of a new child to make you reflect. Noah is our fifth living child, and we are so grateful to God! He is so gracious. I praise Him with all that is in me.
I say our fifth living child because if say that we have five children, my older kids will correct me. You see, they had a still-born little brother named Titus in June of 2009. (We actually had two miscarriages before we had any children.) “Don’t forget about Titus,” they will say. Of course, I can’t.
With the expectation of every child comes a whole myriad of dreams and hopes. You don’t do it on purpose. It just happens. You daydream about the future and what that little guy (in our case) will be like. And one night, in the middle of the night, all of those dreams have to be put away in a box. He was 26 weeks. And mysteriously, for no reason his heartbeat stopped. He then had to be birthed…born into this world lifeless. They give you a little box with pictures of your baby and some little booties knit for him. God’s grace overflowed upon us in that moment. We were at peace, and so was Titus. But that doesn’t end the story. A new longing arises…for the next child. I can’t explain it. He wouldn’t be a replacement, but he would bring a healing.
It seemed after Titus that we would not be able to have another child. We even considered adopting very seriously. We love our four children, but we had more love to give. We had almost given up hope; or maybe should say that we gave that hope to God. And then it happened! We were expecting a child. At 17 weeks we had an ultrasound, because of our high risk and the tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender. We did, of course. Both of us somehow knew it was a boy. We knew that is what God was doing! When she told us it was a boy, we both cried and praised the Lord and then cried some more.
TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED
I am definitely guilty of taking things for granted. But after Titus, things are different. Let me explain…
- Still born babies don’t cry. I loved my son, Titus, but he couldn’t respond in any way to me. He didn’t make a sound. It was an eerie silence. A one pound baby that fit in the palm of my hand, but made no sound. When my younger children cried, it tended to annoy me. Not any more. Noah’s cries are music to my ears. I love them. His first cry made me cry. I couldn’t help it.
- Still born babies don’t touch you. Moments after Noah was born, he did that “startle reflex” where he flailed his arms above his head. I was trying to sneak a first kiss on his forehead while the nurses worked with him. He touched my face. Awesome!
- Still born babies don’t come home with you. What a glorious moment when Noah was safely tucked in his car seat and we were headed home! I had taken that as an obvious end to pregnancy. How naive! In the hospital where we had Titus, they put the mothers of still born babies on the same hall as the mothers of live babies except there was a gloomy nature picture on our door. What a horrible feeling of grief swept over us. Then was that trip to the car–without a baby. Heart-wrenching!
I don’t say all of this to illicit sympathy from you. God has provided grace and healing for us. But for all of us who have taken God’s blessings for granted, may we realize how blessed we are. From all of us at the Fies house, thanks for prayers for our child and my wife. May God bless you for reading.